There’s a reason why I haven’t posted a real Facebook picture update in YEARS. I’m embarassed for others to see what I look like now. I used to be the one jumping in the middle of pictures and vainly posting them everywhere for everyone to see.
When I was 19, I made a comment to an older friend about how I could NOT gain weight. I was skinny and wanted to bulk up. That friend said “wait til you hit your 20s, it’s all down hill from there.” I didn’t believe him. Why would I? When you’re young, you’re dumb and full of.. fun.
My early 20s provided a slight beer gut but nothing too extreme. I lived in Chicago as a radio DJ and walked EVERYWHERE. You walk to the train, you walk from the bus, you walk to your friend’s party, you walk to your girlfriend’s dorm. Driving in Chicago is a pain in the ass, so much so that I actually got rid of my car only a few months after moving there. So I think no matter how hard I hit my body with poor diet and obscene amounts of drinking, all the walking and physical activity helped counter it.
Fast forward to age 29, turning 30 in August. I just made a decision to change the way my life is going. I have developed – partly due to genetics, my dad died just recently of heart problems – heart disease. I have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I take multiple medications and supplements. I have attempted exercise in the past but it never lasted as a habit. I now live in the suburbs of a Wisconsin town where it isn’t logical to walk like Chicago. You drive everywhere. There IS a dog park about 6 blocks from where I live, but I have allergies so that’s always a challenge. I’ve done it a few times – as it’s a circular trail basically surrounding a pond. And it’s nice, relaxing with the sun. But again it never lasted.
Exercise has never lasted partly because aside from physical activity just due to life, I’ve never been even remotely athletic. I was last picked in gym class and first picked ON. I was a computer nerd that hated gym/physical education.
The other reason for my exercise lack of routine is because of my heart disease. The medications wind me. I have no stamina anymore. Walking up a pair of steps even makes me out of breath. I also have small fiber peripheral neuropathy. This diagnosis came within the last year and the symptoms have been within the last 2-3 years.
In my legs and feet I get horrible muscle cramps, sensitivity to touch, and sometimes just throbbing and pulsing pain. Sometimes it feels like my feet are thawing out after coming inside from a cold winter snowy day. As you can imagine I take several medications. More than several. I’ve had biopsies and MRIs and X-rays, nerve studies and sweat studies and more.
The medications I’m on make me even less energetic, lethargic, fatigued, and generally depressed. It isn’t something that goes away because at this time there’s nothing, for lack of better wording, broken for them to fix. Nerve damage – if that’s what’s causing my symptoms – are permanent. If it’s something genetic, that’s irreversible. If it’s idiopathic – which means basically came out of the blue with no science to back up WHY I have it, I’m done for.
It hurts to walk. It’s impossible to run due to my poor chest conditioning. I fall over easily when I try to do anything that requires balance or coordination. My fiancee bought me some cool expensive white walking shoes that guarantee an increase in walking condition. So far they’re pretty good. And I like white shoes.
All this yet I force myself to run several small businesses I’ve owned since high school. The radio career path is not something I’m pursing full time anymore.
But I can’t lie – I’d like to get hot again. I want my gut gone. I want the stretch marks gone. I want the disgusting digestive problems to go away. I want my bedroom dressers to have cologne and a brush, and that’s it. No Percocet, no Lyrica, no Lovastatin, no Lopressor, I could go on and on. I’m TWENTY NINE PEOPLE!
So today is a new day. I took my measurements which depressed me. I’ll share them in a future post. I purchased a wealth of supplements – I’ll post a picture of them all lately. I also have a Tai Chi related exercise program coming in the mail. I’m assured it will help me correct my poor balance, inability to walk, and overall just “center” my being. It will also supposedly strengthen my core allowing me to be more conditioned and my stamina should return.
Unfortunately I don’t think it will do much for my neurological disease but I’m okay with that. If I can find a way to be healthy overall – with the disease – I’m fine with that. I’m hopeful through changed diet, healthy supplementation heavily relying on juicing, and the Tai Chi program that I can cut back on my heart disease-related medications and possibly even reduce my risk for having an adverse reaction due to my HTN and high cholesterol. Ideally I will get fully off the blood pressure and cholesterol medicine.
I’ll write more later. I’m just unpacking everything now and getting myself to a place where I’m ready to really share my life and my journey.