Borderline Personality Disorder: Finding Myself

Hey, guys! Wow, what a week. Borderline Personality Disorder is a really tough thing to struggle with. It’s a lot of not knowing exactly who you are or where you fit in which all sounds like teenage issues, I know but they exist in the adult world as well. There’s a lot that goes into it.

It has been seriously an emotional roller coaster over here. Mostly dipping down, though. I feel as though I’ve lost my spark, which makes me, me. I’m journeying at the moment to reclaim that art of me I lost somewhere along the way. I used to be so much more assertive and I think my downward spiral really began when my insurance changed and I wasn’t able to see my life-changing therapist or go to my DBT group.

Those two things were more than just holding my head above water. I’d say I was at my waist. So that was a serious blow. I’m now looking into whether or not they have some kind of charity care plan or a discount for paying cash for visits (not that I have very much cash to give).

On the bright, bright, brighter side, I got my daughter back yesterday and she has been being an angel. Well, not all the time but 95% of the time she is golden. She also came back sick, though. Now she’s got a fever so she’s a bit whiny and I totally get that because she gets that from me! We’re giving her a cough and cold medicine along with a fever reducer and in a few days she should be back to her good old self, not that this has slowed her down much at all. She’s amazing, sick on the inside but still pretty peppy on the outside. I think she’s stoked about the popsicles and ice cream (I would be).

Dietitian Handful - ChrisByrnes.comSpeaking of popsicles and ice cream, I’m doing better on my diet, I admit it, I backslid. It’s hard, obviously, or everyone would do it. Now, my problem is that I’m barely hungry at all. I know that I need that certain amount of caloric intake to keep my body moving but sometimes, it’s just a chore. I don’t know if I’m just so lazy I don’t want to weigh it all out and log it or what but I need to start eating again.

I have become addicted to Fiber One Chocolate and Oats bars, though. And, in my defense, I do need the fiber what with the diabetes and all that crap but man cannot live on Fiber One bars alone (or so they say). I also (!!!!!big news!!!!!) have my first meeting with the dietician on Wednesday. The bariatric one. I’m expecting her to be drill sergeant-esque. But nut up or shut up right?

I think she’s going to give me stricter guidelines to follow than the last dietician I saw because she was a self-proclaimed softie. So, one down,  5 to go! That doesn’t make it seem so daunting at all. Five is a small enough number. So, I’m very excited to see what she has planned for me! I’ll follow up with you guys after the appointment and let you know how it went!

Well, it’s off to bed for me, I have a sick baby to tend to in the morning. Goodnight!

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”- Dr. Suess.

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