It’s been a while…

I’ve gotten behind on my blog.

So many things have happened in the last few months.

I’m now in school for nursing, to start a second career. The stress of the classes has had numerous effects on me. The biggest? I lost all my hair. Alopecia Areata. My depression has deepened. It seems so hopeless, I feel like I’m hanging on by a single thread.

On top of that, my muscles are weak. After a time of activity, my muscles become jelly-like and I have to rest. After a period of rest though, I am fine.

The seizures still happen. Not often, but they do. I feel like I’m a burden on my husband. I’ve let the house go (it’s so messy), I barely take care of myself. It seems as though I’m bitchy and mopey all the time. I’m tired a lot. Just lethargic. I feel like I’ve failed as a wife. As a human being. As a person. As a woman.

The overwhelming cast of gloominess and darkness is so thick. When did I get this way? When did it spiral out of control?

I don’t enjoy watching my favorite TV shows anymore. I don’t enjoy crocheting. I’ve even stopped playing the keyboard.

I get jealous easily of my friends with houses and babies and pets, while I’m drowning in medical bills and towing the line of poverty.

I want to ask my husband to take me to a humane society, just so I can play with the dogs. A bit of therapy if you will. But I don’t know if he’ll do it. He’s worried because of my allergies, but I’m a type of person that allergies be damned, I’m going to pet that dog/cat/whatever. I really want to own one, but he won’t.

I am at a loss right now. When did I get so depressed?

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