Why would my Personal Finance homework affect me so much? Because it asked me to look at houses and pretend that I had a family, and both my husband and I were working and no debts, and all that jolly stuff.
It was heartbreaking. So I half-assed it. I went on Zillow, typed in a nice area I knew of, picked the first house on the list and input all the numbers without thinking twice about it. I realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and that Facebook only shows the highlight reels of people’s lives… but goddamn I want my piece of the pie, too. I worked so hard my whole life, I did everything right, I followed the rules, I did what I was supposed to do. Then the recession screwed me over and I haven’t been able to pick myself back up.
I’m in school to try and start a new career, but that ends in 2017, so I still have a few more years to go. My health is declining, whether it’s psychological or not. Am I on the edge of a breakdown? Is that a question I should even have to ask myself?
I thought about how Spring break is coming up, and maybe I should check in temporarily in a place, but I’m afraid. What if they find me crazy and keep me forever? Then I’ve really screwed up my life. So hopefully, I can get in with this therapist my doctor gave me a name for, and I hope I like him. I hope he’s good. I hope things improve under his guidance.
And I feel for my husband. He must feel so strained. He handles all the money, driving, his business, and he has his own medical health problems. I just want to come out of this deep dark place and grab his hand and never let go.
But first, I have to climb out. And it’s a long way to the top.