As happy as I am that it’s not the more serious condition, Epilepsy, I’m torn about my diagnosis of Psychogenic Seizures. I understand that it is not in my head, but my body’s real reaction to stress. As a person who thinks health is very important, whether it’s fitness, eating right, or just taking care of the only body you have; I find this a hard pill to swallow.
Does this mean I have PTSD from the car accident? It seems silly, as people I know with PTSD have been through way worse. Am I so stressed that it was the final straw, and my body couldn’t take it anymore? I really am surprised by this theory, because I always thought I dealt and coped with stress very well. I have faced greater obstacles in life, and I was fine.
I’ve thought about getting a second opinion, but I don’t know if I want to go through all of that again. I don’t know why I am having such a hard time with this diagnosis, as I am a huge advocate for having better mental health care. I am still in the process of making an appointment with a therapist that specializes in psychogenic seizures, but we’re playing phone tag, so I haven’t actually been able to make any progress on that. Maybe once I see the therapist, I will not feel as torn, because I will be doing something about it.
In the meantime, I am to find an activity that will help me destress for an hour every day, and I wanted to pick up piano again. I played when I was younger, but I quit because I didn’t like any of my new teachers after we moved to a new town. So I was looking at keyboards, and I realized we couldn’t afford to purchase one, so I felt like I took a step backwards.
Then my husband looked at me, and he said, “Your health is more important to me than anything else. I will find a way to get this keyboard for you so you can start to heal.” And he did. I’m so grateful I have such a wonderful husband, who supports me when I need him most. Most people would find any mental condition hard to accept, as there is still stigma attached to them. However, he hasn’t. He has stuck by my side.
I have a lot of support surrounding me, and I think with time, I’ll get better. It helps that I have a lot of resources on hand, because of this blog. I will continue to do my research and try not to stress about it too much. Hopefully, I get that appointment set up soon.