How many more EEGs?

I wonder how many more EEGs I will have to do over the years. It seems as though every time I have a “relapse” they order an EEG just to “make sure” it’s not epilepsy. I get it, I’ve heard that PNES sufferers can also get epileptic seizures, and are more prone to develop them.

But seriously, I look like I have horns growing in on my forehead. A devil-in-training. Plus one of them has a huge knot, which I have no idea why I would get a knot from an electrode.

It gets sent out today for evaluation, review, whatever you want to call it. But I didn’t have any seizures (that I know of, since I can’t sense or remember them), so it was a big waste of time and hair. Glue pieces keep falling out everywhere. And it’s very hard to vacuum those things up. I end up using the little hand vacuum to get them.

Anyway, I also developed Ocular Migraines. They’re migraines that come with temporary vision loss. Imagine me, a deaf woman, suddenly going blind.

Yes. A meltdown ensued. But it’s temporary, and the medicine I’m one helps prevent them, and since I’ve been on the meds, I’ve only had one, so I think it’s working well.

I proclaim to call myself an atheist, and have for a very long time. But over the last year, that has slowly changed. I mean SLOWLY. I’m still reluctant to say I believe in God, because the science love in me says otherwise. However, I’ve experienced some things during the last year that I can’t explain away with science. So I’m not completely discounting it. I have a Bible for the stupid people (the one in plain layman english) because I can’t understand the actual Bible. And every once in a while, I’ll pick up when I feel down.

But ever since I’ve started to turn my head around the God idea, things started changing. My moods stopped going so deep in depression, I wasn’t focusing on all the wants in the world, and I am finally okay with the way things are right now. I want things, but those are for the future. Today is what matters. Not tomorrow. Because tomorrow may never come.

I know you might find this strange, and probably quite shocking if you know me, but something’s changed in me, and I can find no other explanation than what I’ve just given you.

Like I said, I’m still adjusting to it. I can’t outright say I believe in God (aloud). I haven’t said that yet. I think the day that comes, it will be because I am comfortable announcing some sacred to myself.

Oh, lets be clear here. I will never believe in organized religion.

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